what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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