just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
