I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I smell like Dick and happiness
Holy shit dude........stairs
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
