wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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