I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
