How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
