It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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