First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
