This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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