the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I have fence marks all over my body
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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