Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
