College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
we're making bets on your personal life
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize