watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
