All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I have post one night stand depression
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