Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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