I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
