My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
