Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
