dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
