dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
