I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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