i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
