I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
