My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
