It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
