so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
