Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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