Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
