Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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