my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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