Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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