My nipple is on Facebook.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
