I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
dude i'm inner monologue high
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
