Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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