The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
