my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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