You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
