I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
