you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
