I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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