Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I came so hard my ears popped.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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