Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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