It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
