having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
