Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
