Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
