I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
