we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
