tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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