She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
