Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
