You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
