I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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