I'm laying in your front yard are you home
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
