I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
