She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
