Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So gin and wine won't be happening again
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
