the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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