Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
