You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
