I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize