My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
