She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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