i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
