i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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