If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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