So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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