I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
